left behind

left behind

This is what I’ve been feeling since 2014. It didn’t matter that I held on for so long with pleas, promises and, prayers. They still leave. It didn’t matter that I shed tears for many, many months. I still get left behind.

The last one to leave was my brother — the last one I have.

My world fell quiet. And I felt alone.

A February Weekend

Mount Banahaw guarding over Sampaloc Lake. After this photo was taken one so very early morning I just had to stop and just take in the quiet and sight for a handful of moments. Not everything needed to be taken a photo of. Some you just leave for your eyes.
+ Click on the image to enlarge it

I went to San Pablo one February weekend to get some duties done and to test and get familiar with this lens I got. I am quite used to using a 50mm prime lens and I want to see what photos I can get with a 24 – 35mm wide angle zoom. The image above is one moment I was able to record and more will be posted here in the coming months.

1500 days

It has been 1,500 days since she left. I’m not really one for counting the days. I just know she’s been gone for four years. Come to really think of it, that’s quite a long time and with all the hell and things and stuff that has gone through in my brain, I’m not so sure how I got out of it with my head still more or less straight. I’m not even sure if I ever got out of it. One never knows with these things. But then I’m writing this stuff down so I guess things are still moving as the universe intended it to be.

Sometimes you feel you’re just a passenger going somewhere you don’t know.

I dreamt of her a few days ago. I do not remember most of it now but I do remember feeling so delightfully surprised upon seeing her and it seemed that that was her plan all along and she was laughing out loud because the surprise worked. And then we gave each other a lengthy I-missed-you-so-much kind of hug. It felt so real like I wasn’t dreaming at all. But I knew I was dreaming and I also knew I didn’t want to wake up … yet. But I eventually did wake but I still thought it was a good dream.

So, for those who care to know, I am fine. I feel better than the week before. I look old, time-wearied, assuredly tired and broken in a few  corners and places. But generally, I’m fine. The world turns and since I am still alive there are responsibilities to take care of. There is still walls and spirits to mend.