I have always liked monochromes
— black & whites or sepias. On a recent trip to Puerto Galera, Mindoro I took plenty of color photos but I also took a handful of monotones.
I wanted to see how the places I visited would look like in sepia rather than in the traditional colored photographs. I was surprised the photos invoked a feeling that I was back in that period of time in the early 1900s and there wasn’t much people around.
The photos did not go through any post processing save for the waterfalls which I scaled down to meet the maximum upload size of the blogging software. The images were taken with a Canon EOS 100D in one of the programmable monochrome modes which I set myself. The lens is a Canon EF 16-35mm f/2.8L II USM set
It has been 1,500 days since she left. I’m not really one for counting the days. I just know she’s been gone for four years. Come to really think of it, that’s quite a long time and with all the hell and things and stuff that has gone through in my brain, I’m not so sure how I got out of it with my head still more or less straight. I’m not even sure if I ever got out of it. One never knows with these things. But then I’m writing this stuff down so I guess things are still moving as the universe intended it to be.
Sometimes you feel you’re just a passenger going somewhere you don’t know.
I dreamt of her a few days ago. I do not remember most of it now but I do remember feeling so delightfully surprised upon seeing her and it seemed that that was her plan all along and she was laughing out loud because the surprise worked. And then we gave each other a lengthy I-missed-you-so-much kind of hug. It felt so real like I wasn’t dreaming at all. But I knew I was dreaming and I also knew I didn’t want to wake up … yet. But I eventually did wake but I still thought it was a good dream.
So, for those who care to know, I am fine. I feel better than the week before. I look old, time-wearied, assuredly tired and broken in a few corners and places. But generally, I’m fine. The world turns and since I am still alive there are responsibilities to take care of. There is still walls and spirits to mend.
A small window plant lit up by a passing light.
A lot of things and ideas come out at night.
“You slowly turned and walked away. There was a hesitant pause, a noticeable sigh, and finally you disappeared among the crowd.”
People leave. Sometimes by their own choice and sometimes they leave without realizing that they have left already. Sometimes they just give up. It has happened numerous times before for one mundane reason to the extraordinary. But some people hold on even if they know they’re pulling on empty strings. They hold on maybe because they see the value of the person even if they’re not there anymore because to them it’s worth it.
I believe that behind each photo there is a valued moment, an unworded thought, even a short story. Sometimes I have stories in my head waiting for the right photo. This is one of those times.
Eyes closed, I hear your voice from the kitchen. Faint but still sweet. Always melodious. I feel your whispers. I hear the trees and the stars sing with you. This world was meant to be seen with your eyes. And it has not been as beautiful without you.
People hardly look up anymore.