noel alanguilan

yosi
slang for cigARETTE
san miguel, manila

i used to smoke. i stopped about 19 months ago. sometimes i miss it. sometimes i miss the slow drag, the deep breath after and the ensuing temporary haze of dizziness. its a deceptive vice. deathly simple. but time and money would be well spent on something else.

part of the lost rolls

finally. 2008 has become a memory. it hasn’t been a great year for me but it had its moments. the major event of 2008 at least for me was my strokes. they were thankfully mild enough that i was able to recover quickly but they did their damage, however small it may be.  my leg movements a little off. i can walk normally enough or at least appear to but have a little difficulty jogging. going up the stairs is easy but going down is not. its rather difficult doing an indian squat with some muscles being too tight. driving was harder than usual right after my episodes but it gets easier each time i drive. apparently, the fine motor skills in my legs has to be built up again.

i sometimes think that i’m going through the first kilometer of my life once more but this time its just a tad tedious. c’est la vie. still, i am glad of a handful of things — i haven’t had a smoke for nearly nine months now and i don’t think i’ll get back to the filthy habit in this lifetime. another one that i’m really  thankful for is that i found out i can still balance my bike. i love riding my bike. the downside is that sometimes i fall when i stop the bike but that can be taken care of with more practice. lowering the seat by a centimeter may be able to help also.

i’d like to thank lito b., felix m., janix, the professor from u.p. and al  for helping me not to loose interest in cycling by lending me cycling magazines, talking to me about bikes and riding, keeping me in the loop, giving me a cycling video and sending over a pair of cycling gloves. thanks a ton guys. i’ll get back to cycling soon. i promise.

one of the good things that happened in the early part of 2008 is that i found a friend whom i lost decades ago. the internet and its search engines have been quite helpful. i also got to touch base with a lot of my high school and college friends through facebook.

a good majority of my computing time — whether it be for work and/or play — in 2008 have been spent on linux. i’m surrounded by computers running the operating system — from my firewall to my file server. i do believe that its a system that can replace windows in both home and business environments. contrary to popular knowledge, it is a system that is quite easy to learn — my 10-year old son uses ubuntu linux for his games, e-mail and, occasionally, on his assignments. and it doesn’t appear that innovation and development in linux is going to slow down anytime soon. still, business for me was a bit slow and i would have to look at other streams of income in the coming year.

our neighbor gave us a puppy and within seven months ‘odie’ grew to be my largest dog yet. he looks like a golden retriever but is actually not. cherry and robin seems pretty happy about him because he adds some securiy to the house, that is, if he doesn’t touch the plants.

all in all, 2008 was an ‘okay’ year but i am so looking forward to 2009.

i just realized it now. its been six months since i quit smoking. its been a breeze. so far. i didn’t have any of the major withdrawal symptoms — intestinal disorders, headaches, mental confusion, irritability, axiety and depression. i don’t even have cravings anymore. but got bigger (my other word for fatter). according to my neurologist, i’m 10 kilos over my  ideal weight. so i’ve cut back on the rice and the sweets and it appears to be working.

six months. i thought i’d never stop. some of my friends still do not believe i was able to quit but that’s okay.

thanks to b, rebecca, berta and hoze for the encouragement. it is highly appreciated.

its been a hundred nicotine-free days. i still consider myself lucky because i did not have the physical, mental and emotional withdrawal symptoms associated with quitting smoking. at least not the major ones — intestinal disorders, headaches, mental confusion, irritability, axiety and depression. it has been said that the first two weeks of quitting is the most critical because the withdrawal symptoms peak during that span of time. my strokes might have helped in washing away the symptoms or at least made me numb to them. i am gaining a little weight though. this is considered normal especially now that food actually tastes better. cycling would help in that department once i get enough confidence to get on my bike again but that’s another story.

for now i celebrate my first 100 smoke-free days. i’m looking forward for more.

it has been 30 days since my last cigarette. and 30 days since my last stroke. i must say that it hasn’t been an easy 30 days — there’s physical and occupational therapies, visiting doctors for check ups, doing those everyday chores of living all the while recovering from my stroke. the handful of close friends that i have have been more helpful than they know. my family have been extremely supportive. its that kind of help and support that is truly priceless and made recovery much easier and faster.

its funny, a couple of nights ago i had a dream. i just bought a pack of cigarettes. i opened it up and pulled a stick out and as i was about to light it up, i saw my girlfriend with that fearsome “you’re dead if you light that up” expression on her face, and then i woke up. but i honestly think i won’t be smoking again. they say the first month of quitting is the hardest. i went through the first month already so the next few should be easier. i think i have to find a good vice though and i’m leaning more into being a bike tool geek and learn to make bicycle wheels. that shoud be interesting enough.

so its been 30 days and my therapists are quite happy with my progress. my neurologist seems to be happy at my development during my first visit to her clinic. next week there will be more check ups and visits to the doctor but i am hopeful that the results are good.

getting there.