noel alanguilan

yosi
slang for cigARETTE
san miguel, manila

i used to smoke. i stopped about 19 months ago. sometimes i miss it. sometimes i miss the slow drag, the deep breath after and the ensuing temporary haze of dizziness. its a deceptive vice. deathly simple. but time and money would be well spent on something else.

part of the lost rolls

2.5 kilometers. this morning. i know its not far by my normal standards but its far enough for me today. its the first time i’ve been out on a bike on the open streets since april last year and my cycling skills are a bit rusty. this ride was meant to familiarize myself with the road and the traffic and to tell me what my body can do and where my skills were at.

i didn’t fall. that’s one good thing. i can really still balance the bike. that’s another good thing although i found out that i am more stable at speeds faster than 10 kilometers per hour–a strange but welcome thing. i weave at lower speeds which i do not like and i would have to work on that skill. i can clip in and out easily enough. my hands got tired halfway through the ride which means i have to do more hand exercises.

today, i accomplished what i set out to do for myself. i think this is good. its a great short ride. thanks to gerry, lito, felix and al for the encouragements–it helped a lot at the start. i’ll probably do a longer ride next sunday but for now its time to rest.

finally. 2008 has become a memory. it hasn’t been a great year for me but it had its moments. the major event of 2008 at least for me was my strokes. they were thankfully mild enough that i was able to recover quickly but they did their damage, however small it may be.  my leg movements a little off. i can walk normally enough or at least appear to but have a little difficulty jogging. going up the stairs is easy but going down is not. its rather difficult doing an indian squat with some muscles being too tight. driving was harder than usual right after my episodes but it gets easier each time i drive. apparently, the fine motor skills in my legs has to be built up again.

i sometimes think that i’m going through the first kilometer of my life once more but this time its just a tad tedious. c’est la vie. still, i am glad of a handful of things — i haven’t had a smoke for nearly nine months now and i don’t think i’ll get back to the filthy habit in this lifetime. another one that i’m really  thankful for is that i found out i can still balance my bike. i love riding my bike. the downside is that sometimes i fall when i stop the bike but that can be taken care of with more practice. lowering the seat by a centimeter may be able to help also.

i’d like to thank lito b., felix m., janix, the professor from u.p. and al  for helping me not to loose interest in cycling by lending me cycling magazines, talking to me about bikes and riding, keeping me in the loop, giving me a cycling video and sending over a pair of cycling gloves. thanks a ton guys. i’ll get back to cycling soon. i promise.

one of the good things that happened in the early part of 2008 is that i found a friend whom i lost decades ago. the internet and its search engines have been quite helpful. i also got to touch base with a lot of my high school and college friends through facebook.

a good majority of my computing time — whether it be for work and/or play — in 2008 have been spent on linux. i’m surrounded by computers running the operating system — from my firewall to my file server. i do believe that its a system that can replace windows in both home and business environments. contrary to popular knowledge, it is a system that is quite easy to learn — my 10-year old son uses ubuntu linux for his games, e-mail and, occasionally, on his assignments. and it doesn’t appear that innovation and development in linux is going to slow down anytime soon. still, business for me was a bit slow and i would have to look at other streams of income in the coming year.

our neighbor gave us a puppy and within seven months ‘odie’ grew to be my largest dog yet. he looks like a golden retriever but is actually not. cherry and robin seems pretty happy about him because he adds some securiy to the house, that is, if he doesn’t touch the plants.

all in all, 2008 was an ‘okay’ year but i am so looking forward to 2009.

i practiced riding again today and it was better than the last time — i only fell twice out of more than 10 tries. hurts less. for now, i just wanted to practice dismounting and look for my weaknesses so i can correct them in the future. it seems i succeeded in that sense. found out that my legs are tight. i have to loosen up my legs more by stretching before and after any riding. i can try again tomorrow…

i just realized it now. its been six months since i quit smoking. its been a breeze. so far. i didn’t have any of the major withdrawal symptoms — intestinal disorders, headaches, mental confusion, irritability, axiety and depression. i don’t even have cravings anymore. but got bigger (my other word for fatter). according to my neurologist, i’m 10 kilos over my  ideal weight. so i’ve cut back on the rice and the sweets and it appears to be working.

six months. i thought i’d never stop. some of my friends still do not believe i was able to quit but that’s okay.

thanks to b, rebecca, berta and hoze for the encouragement. it is highly appreciated.

i tried biking a couple of days ago. the house where i live has an empty first floor. it is big enough to practice my, by now, rusty cycling skills. the last time i got on the saddle was a little over five months ago. i know i have lost some fine motor control over my legs after my strokes but i do not know if i lost my ability to balance a bicycle. that thought has always been a bit scary for me.

i had a little difficulty getting on the bike. muscles were tight. i was able to pedal off and balance the bike and myself for about three rounds. yey! but stopping is another thing. i slowed down a bit so i can come to a complete stop but i fell instead. but i got up and tried again. all in all, i fell about four times. i got two bruises on my left knee, a bruised left elbow and a little bruise on my right shin. there are parts of my body that hurt a little but i don’t mind. i found out that i can still hold my balance. i can still bike. i just have to work on my stopping the bike.

for now, i’ll let the hurting pass before i try again.

its been a hundred nicotine-free days. i still consider myself lucky because i did not have the physical, mental and emotional withdrawal symptoms associated with quitting smoking. at least not the major ones — intestinal disorders, headaches, mental confusion, irritability, axiety and depression. it has been said that the first two weeks of quitting is the most critical because the withdrawal symptoms peak during that span of time. my strokes might have helped in washing away the symptoms or at least made me numb to them. i am gaining a little weight though. this is considered normal especially now that food actually tastes better. cycling would help in that department once i get enough confidence to get on my bike again but that’s another story.

for now i celebrate my first 100 smoke-free days. i’m looking forward for more.

i have been preoccupied with my recovery lately. that’s the main reason why i haven’t been posting or writing anyone for the past few days. i have been walking, exercising my arms and legs, stretching and doing more walking — just about everything to get some improvement however small it may be. i got myself (and robin) a rubick’s cube so i can exercise my fingers and wrist; i have a rubber stress ball so i can make my grip stronger and, these days, you can see standing on one foot at a time like a pelican to help improve my balance. that last one is actually a very good yoga tip from bernard (my thanks). i think and feel that all these things are doing some good. of course, i have been working also — bills to pay and debts to settle.

during the past week i saw my physical therapy doctor and my neurologist — both saw good improvements i think but i still have to see them after two and one month, respectively and my cardio in three months just to make sure. yup, i’m getting there.

and yes, i can solve the cube.

i got a handful of suprises today and most of them are happy ones.

i had to get some bloodwork done — mostly regarding my lipid profile, creatinine and some other stuff. those tests are expensive! i didn’t expect them to go up to php 2.4k! that is my first surprise for the day. nasty huh? i didn’t have enough with me so i had to walk back to the house, get enough money and walk to the hospital again. the good side was most of results were within the lower half of the normal range.  i’m very happy about that one.

the next surprise came with an incessant ringing of the doorbell. it was al’s brother-in-law bringing a surprise from al. al is a guy i got to know over at pinoy roadies. i haven’t actually met him in person. he lives in america and he appears really kwela (fun) judging by his posts at pinoy roadies (and he has plenty of posts ). he loves biking. anyway, al sent over a package containing a pair of gel-padded cycling gloves by cannondale. wow! sweet! a heap of thanks to al. i owe you a kiss dude.

the next pleasant surprise was my girlfriend came home early and she got us a loaf of rye bread. we’re big bread eaters — she and i — and we often would buy french or dark bread or sour dough and have that with our meals. robin would sometimes ask us, “why do you like bread so much?” he’s a rice eater so he doesn’t get it unless we “dress up” a slice of bread and make it look like pizza.

all in all, it has been a great day. thank you guys for making it one!

as a “supplement” to my occupational therapy, i took my rear derailleur from my bike and disassembled it yesterday. the idea is to exercise my hands while cleaning and doing maintenance work on the bike, or at least, parts of the bike.

disassembly was relatively easy since i just needed to take out the pulleys for cleaning and relubing and not the entire derailleur. i took my sweet time cleaning and lubing the pulleys and the pulley cage as well as with the reassembly but the tedius part was when i was putting it back onto the bike. i had to align the shift points to the cogs or else shifting gears would be a messy affair. that took about three tries.

now, before i could take the derailleur from the bike, i had to break the chain first and since the chain was already out, i took the opportunity to clean the front derailleur and the chainrings as well. as i was wiping crud off the teeth of the chainrings, i remembered what lito said about cleaning. he said, “if you cannot upgrade your components, at least make them shine so they look like new.” or something to that effect. well, the chainrings do look like new as well as the front derailleur.

the next thing on the list are the brakes. but that’s for another time.